Define "chronic" masturbator.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
