I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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