at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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