actually, I'm a sock model
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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