pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
