Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize