I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
