Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
