who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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