Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
