I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
