I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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