i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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