just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
