I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
