she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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