Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
