do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
