remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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