WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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