how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize