he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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