I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
