We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
