we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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