could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize