Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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