Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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