he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
