420 ftw
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
