It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
