I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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