If i come over, it means nothing
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
