i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
