Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
