Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
