Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
