i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
