You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
