Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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