whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
