also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
