I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize