Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
