The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
