Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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