naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
