that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
