Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
