Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
