Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
