When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
