made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
