my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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