You're my little dorito
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
