Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
