Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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