I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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