Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
