I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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