She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
