I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
