He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I am available for nakedness
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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