I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i used baking grease as lip gloss
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We had to coat check the pizza.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
