My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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