at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
