Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize