The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
