Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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