Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
