we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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