If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
