I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
