we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
