I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
