I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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