She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
