mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize