I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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