i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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