I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
