3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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