So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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